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Signs of the Apocalypse

table of contents

By Duke Heath

I am introducing a new column to M-Ark with this issue.

Signs of the Apocalypse will serve as a harbinger to readers of M-Ark of certain recent events which someone, somewhere, must have foretold , or at least they should have been foretold, as signs of the end of times.

The signs mentioned in this column are all taken from various news services. Please let me know if you want this column to continue in future newsletters. Please let me know if you never want to see this column again.

But whatever you do, please beware, for the following are Signs of the Apocalypse!

Fuel Crunch Leads to Rent-A-Corpse Scam
In Zimbabwe, two mortuary workers were recently arrested and face charges for renting out fresh corpses to motorists to enable them to take advantage of special fuel preferences given to hearses. Zimbabwe's state-owned Herald newspaper reported that a mortician and an assistant at a public hospital were arrested and charged with violating dead bodies. The two were accused of running a racket under which they sold fake burial orders to motorists who then took the corpses and transported them to service stations. This allowed them to jump long lines to fill their tanks. After buying the fuel, they returned the bodies in their coffins to the mortuary.

Man Eats Own Toes
An Australian man cut off his toes, fried them up and ate them between two slices of bread after getting high sniffing butane gas. When an ambulance arrived, he offered to share his meal with them, passing over a toe and saying, "It tastes like chicken, do you want some, there's still a few left over." Police said the 35-year-old man became very hungry after sniffing the gas and had searched the kitchen but found nothing to eat. He then grabbed a knife and cut off his toes on his left foot and dropped them in the frying pan. The man's sister called the police after she walked into the kitchen and saw her brother eating the toe sandwich. He told the ambulance crew that he had more toes than he needed and didn't think he would notice if he got rid of a few. The uneaten toes were to burned to reattach.

An Argument against Drug Use
The Fox news ticker recently ran the story of a Malaysian man, who, while under the influence of hallucinatory pills, sliced off his penis, threw it in a skillet, fried it and ate it. The ticker stated this was a good reason not to abuse drugs. While I am an opponent of casual drug use, I wonder if there is the slightest possibility that this man may have had other issues. Either way, I am not impressed. If he really wanted to make a statement he would have fried it before he sliced it.